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Breastmilk + Tears (Pt​.​1)

by Hilary Ladd

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1.
I used to hide myself I guess wasn’t listening I’d to everything to keep you around Expecting things to stay the same thought it was a good thing guess I wasn’t listening We try to find the piece that is missing find the ass we are kissing wouldn’t miss us if we tried If I could just find another way this mother of a woman is doing just fine I’d gotten pretty good at Anticipating Bend over backwards for you Didn’t want hear that I had Ulterior motives and crippling fears kept me always waiting I could never ask for any more thought it was a good thing guess I wasn’t listening We try to find the piece that is missing find the ass we are kissing wouldn’t miss us if we tried If I could just find another way this mother of a woman is doing just fine But I’d overextend and I’d make you depend on me Never regretting while breaking a sweat the promise I made, not that I ever told you, You took advantage and I felt ashamed saw you for who you’d become Not for who you were then After all of the pieces and bits of the dreams that we shared and the ones that we would leave be- hind I just never thought I would be one of them thought it was a good thing guess I wasn’t listening thought it was a good thing guess I wasn’t listening We try to find the piece that is missing find the ass we are kissing wouldn’t miss us if we tried If I could just find another way this mother of a woman We try to find the piece that is missing Then we find that the ass we are kissing wouldn’t miss us if we tried If I could just find another way to know this mother of a woman is doing just fine
2.
You and me It’s hard to make time To feel like we are free To have a glass of wine Or maybe two or three See this little sign “Ladies Shed Night on Tuesdays” Girl it’s been too long Since we saw each other Karaoke songs One after another And it feels so wrong Since I became a mother ladies shed night on Tuesdays! I wanna be free To get a little tipsy Wanna be me The star of every party Make a mess that someone else will clean up sometimes Wanna bring the party back to my own life I can’t wait To share the latest news Doors open at 8 We’ll let a little loose Won’t stay out too late Like we used to do Ladies Shed Night on Tuesdays! I wanna be free To get a little tipsy Wanna be me The star of every party Make a mess that someone else will clean up sometimes Wanna bring the party back to my own life Let’s just be honest We don’t have to pretend to be awesome at this! This is my promise To share in the losses as well as the wins! I wanna be free To get a little tipsy Wanna be me The star of every party Make a mess that someone else will clean up sometimes Wanna bring the party back to my own life I wanna be free To get a little tipsy Wanna be me The star of every party Make a mess that someone else will clean up sometimes Gonna bring the party back to my own life
3.
I don’t have time to be just one thing I’m too busy holding all of the strings Thought I wanted it all! Thought I was having a ball! But I didn’t recognize the person I became. Became the person that you saw in me Was everything I thought I was supposed to be Reevaluating The path I’ve been taking Waiting for permission Didn’t know that I was free. But what if I said That I’m hot as fuck and I know it I ain’t got no reason why I shouldn’t show it Do what I want without apologizing No need to explain while I hypothesize Get up and go go go when I want to Quit thinking about what I’m supposed to What if I let it all out so you could realize I can do what I want I’m not apologizing I’m not apologizing Spent so much time worrying about what you’d think Spent so much time just trying to do everything Our choices aren’t forever Let’s make mistakes together Tired of wasting time pretending that I’m tame But what if I said That I’m hot as fuck and I know it I ain’t got no reason why I shouldn’t show it Do what I want without apologizing No need to explain while I hypothesize Get up and go go go when I want to Quit thinking about what I’m supposed to What if I let it all out so you could realize I can do what I want I’m not apologizing I’m not apologizing What if I said That I’m hot as fuck and I know it What if I said That I’m hot as fuck and I know it What if I said That I’m hot as fuck and I know it What if I said That I’m hot as fuck and I know it But what if I said That I’m hot as fuck and I know it I ain’t got no reason why I shouldn’t show it Do what I want without apologizing No need to explain while I hypothesize Get up and go go go when I want to Quit thinking about what I’m supposed to What if I let it all out so you could realize I can do what I want I’m not apologizing I’m not apologizing
4.
Masterpiece 02:48
Call me perfect one more time and I’ll lose my fucking mind. Always so much pressure Always feel like I’m falling behind. Can’t imagine how you must feel If you feel like blaming it all on me. Kinda seems like you got a whole lotta Misdirected energy. Bitch please! Think you got me on my knees! You put effort in to keep me down I’ma tell you I’m flattered that you keep me round So you’ll feel better. How about I pour a drink We could use a little help Maybe part of the problem is We try to do it all ourselves Don’t expect me to be perfect And I’ll disappoint you less In the meantime I’ll slip into this cute little black dress. Bitch please! Think you’ve me on my knees! You put effort in to keep me down I’ma tell ya I’m flattered that you keep me round So you’ll feel better I’m fine! Learned to say what’s on my mind! Gotta tell ya The messages you’ve been sending Aint never gonna lead to your happy ending Cuz all your efforts to keep me down Turn me into a masterpiece All your efforts to keep me down Turn me into a masterpiece All your efforts to keep me down Turn me into a masterpiece! All your efforts to keep me down Turn me into a masterpiece. Bitch please
5.
Come Through 03:32
How often do you hurt yourself when I’m not looking Thought it was to make me look but I’m not certain now There’s something bout the way you talk, way you walk Says thought today was gonna be the day I Heard you were looking for a purpose Wish I could see below the surface now The reason why I’m always bent outta shape Is cuz it feels like you’re ungrateful I know you’ll never change Just because I want you to You know I’d rearrange Everything to see this through Can we try to stay sane Come through Comin through Come through Come through Come through Comin through Come through Come through I thought it was all make-believe But I got caught up Hoping it would make me feel Like I was moving on Like all it took was Showing up Taking names I couldn’t bear the weight I I know you’ll never change Just because I want you to You know I’d rearrange Everything to see this through Can we try to stay sane Come through Comin through Come through Come through Come through Comin through Come through Come through Come through Comin through I’m Coming through I’m through Coming through Thought I had it all Found out I didn’t want it Most of all I didn’t know I didn’t know the truth Can’t believe it took so long for me to own that My heart is good Come through Comin through Come through Come through Come through Come through Come through Come through Come through Comin through I’m Coming through I’m through Comin through
6.
Go Cray 02:57
Feel like you’re supposed to want it Fall apart without it Can’t imagine spending my life like I’m missing out I think this situation Is fucking with the nations Spend our time wondering how do I look now? Make me go crazy Make me go crazy Make me go crazy Make me go cray Go Cray GO CRAY Make me go crazy Make me go crazy Make me go crazy Make me go cray Go Cray GO CRAY Getting so excited! My girl Jessie liked it! I wonder if she noticed how I did my hair Where did I go wrong Put my heart and soul in Never seems enough the ups and downs Who am I kidding Life is for living Did you think that I forgot about myself Maybe for a moment Put my heart and soul in Never seems enough The ups and downs Make me go crazy Make me go crazy Make me go crazy Make me go cray Go Cray Go Cray! Make me go crazy Make me go crazy Make me go crazy Make me go cray Go Cray Go Cray! Cuz I’ve been living my life Like I’m on the big screen Imagine what life could be with more meaning You and I I could stop dreaming I could really sell myself You would delight Delight in my freebies My highlight reels would be seamless You and I I could stop dreaming Passive income set for life Make me go crazy Make me go crazy Make me go crazy Make me go cray Go Cray Go Cray! Make me go crazy Make me go crazy Make me go crazy Make me go cray Go Cray Go Cray!

about

Hilary Ladd is shedding her indie, folk music roots and jumping head first into the spotlight with the release of Doin Just Fine, the first single off her debut solo album, Breastmilk + Tears.

Doin Just Fine is every over-achieving, people-pleasers anthem. It’s an exploration of self-acceptance, boundaries, and healthy self-expression, in a perfect pop package.

credits

released March 25, 2022

All songs written by Hilary Ladd and Erin Costelo
Not Apologizing written by Hilary Ladd, Erin Costelo, and Nicole Marie Gallant
Photography by Robin Hebb
Mastered by J. LaPointe at Archive Mastering
Mixed by Erin Costelo

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Hilary Ladd Saint John, New Brunswick

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